Zane and I have been married for three years now. It seems unreal, somehow, that three years have already come and gone, but here we are. No longer are we in the “new love” phase, where the other can do no wrong and life is peachy. Our lives are not in constant change anymore, either. We’ve settled in as adults, and though still learning new things all the time, our life routine has been established and we do it.
Sometimes I miss the fanciful days of being newly married. Everything was exciting, changing, and new. Granted, it was also stressful because we never saw each other, but still, we were living together and that was pretty awesome. Then we bought a house, got a cat, lost a cat, got a dog, and got another cat. I’ve been at the same job for two years (the longest I’ve ever been at one occupation) and Zane is getting cozy at his job(s), where he is likely to be for a while.
I know routine is good. I know that consistency is good. But for someone like myself who thrives on change and new things… it can be overwhelming. So this week I’ve been fairly selfish in my thinking and expecting all these different things from life and from Zane. I’ve been expressing to him my feeling of being “stuck” and he has patiently listened to my monologues. I’ve been testy and anxious, completely wrapped up in my own little world, and he has loved me.
There was a huge storm last night. I don’t really like storms and unfortunately, I’m not the only one. Our dog is terrified of storms, and in his terror he becomes the most clingy and annoying creature ever. I couldn’t sleep. I was worried about the dog and also super annoyed. The storm was starting to freak me out and that probably didn’t help with the dog’s anxiety. Then Zane, my dear, selfless husband, dealt with it all. He tried to calm the dog down, he tried to help me fall asleep, he checked the radar multiple times to be able to assure me that we probably wouldn’t be hit by a tornado. He is at work right now, providing for our family (on very little sleep), which gives me the space and freedom to do things I enjoy, like writing and reading. I’m humbled by him. His love is steadfast and sure. Zane is sweet, thoughtful, gentle and full of grace.
I’m so blessed.
I’m sitting here overwhelmed by how special it is that I get to wake up next to him, a routine that I take for granted. And it makes me think of all the other wonderful, and regular things I’ve been taking for granted. Being married isn’t routine. It’s a gift. I love my husband. I love the life that we are building together. Outside of salvation, being married to Zane Gard is my greatest joy in life. Truly. I just needed the reminder and I’m ashamed of my selfishness in feeling bored with routine.
I don’t want “new” love. I want what we have. We have a love that is growing. It is changing, and shifting, and becoming more. And frankly, I think that is what love is supposed to do. It supposed to be constant and sure and steady, even when everything else in life is crazy. I mean, that’s what God’s love is to us, right? And praise the Lord for men like Zane…the ones who put up with crazy wives who are still learning themselves.
Today, the day after our anniversary, I’m celebrating. I’m celebrating the fact that I’m married to Zane. I’m so thankful.